char – inside

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Suicide Pisses Me Off

Suicide pisses me off.

I can’t help it. It is not my intention to hurt anyone’s feelings, but it is why I have stayed away from writing about Leelah Alcorn and her letter. I am very selfishly pissed off.

In Detroit, right around Christmas, we lost our brother, Jay Ralko. His parents, the media, everyone got it right. He was not misgendered. Everyone loved Jay. He had a bi-polar condition. His parents accepted him completely. My friends are hurting still . . . . I can feel the loss they feel.

Still, i am pissed off and I don’t know why I am pissed off, or what it is exactly that pisses me off.

Maybe it’s because the first man who ever told me he was in love with me killed himself in 1979. It was heroine. I knew he was hurting and after 35 years . . . it still hurts. Maybe I am pissed off because when Ed took his own life, it reminded me of my own mortality and I never want to die. I don’t know. I really don’t.

Heroin is a vampire and I hate it more than anything. I have my reasons for hating it now more than ever. Let those who can, listen.

Suicide . . . how many of us have stared that one down? How many times did we blink? How many . . . .?

As if it were ever in my place to suggest to anyone what the big “take away” should be, here is what I want you to take away from 2014: Love.

Maybe 2014 sucked a lot for you and for a lot of people you know. In many ways, it sucked for me . . . alot. I can feel its hooks in me trying to pull me back in.

No way.

Love. If you can come out of the past 12 months or so with anything worth hanging on to, make sure it’s love.

And I don’t mean the kind of love where you say things like, “I love everyone.” That’s bullshit love. How many public hearings did we all go to in 2014 where people would start with “Hey, I love everyone. I believe that is God’s plan. But I think giving those cross-dressers or whatever you call them transvestites special privileges just so they can go into the girl’s bathroom, well that is going too far. It is against nature. It is against God.”

Really? Well, heck, then, get a different God or something. Just leave me the hell alone.

What is my point?

Love someone and tell them you love them. Don’t love everybody. Just someone, because everybody doesn’t love you, but someone does. Maybe I do. Maybe your neighbor loves you. Maybe your cat does. Maybe it’s someone who doesn’t know quite how to tell you they love you. Maybe you could look into a mirror, or at your own shadow and you could say, “I love you.”

Why not?

It’s 2015 — the year to stand back up, brush ourselves off, and get back at it. Our civil rights are still unprotected by law. Doors are closed to us. We have the cover of Time magazine, but we are invisible. We have a shit load of work to do.

Love and peace ~ Namaste ~ Char

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One comment on “Suicide Pisses Me Off

  1. Pingback: Suicide Pisses Me Off | char - inside

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This entry was posted on January 3, 2015 by in Human Rights and Civil Rights and tagged .
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